i hate to admit it, but i’m fairly certain that i’m not always the greatest friend. having an autistic spectrum disorder means that on any given day, i can be any or all of the following – self-absorbed, abrupt, inadvertently rude, awkward, selfish, unsympathetic, and socially unaware. & knowing this, i’m more than amazed to remember that i have such a great core group of friends. at the moment, we’re meeting every week for a regular knit night – they know that i’m struggling on my own, and although they can’t all make it all the time, at least a few of them have been meeting me every week to remind me that i haven’t been totally abandoned, and to keep me attached to the “real world” in a way that i just can’t manage on my own.
how strange to feel not a stranger
how much stranger could i be?
(deb talan, back to oregon)
maybe it helps that we’re all a little “odd” – none of us seem to see the world in an ordinary way, so perhaps that makes them a little more forgiving of my peculiarities. but having come through a long childhood of always being the “weird” one, the one who was “too smart”, the one who nobody really liked, i feel like i can’t ever take having friends for granted.
i need my place at your table
i’ll come for dinner when i can
(deb talan, “back to oregon”)
and it amazes me that no matter how much i’m struggling, or how socially inept i feel, or how far inward i turn, they will be there. even if i can’t manage to meet up with them when i’m supposed to – if the world becomes too much for me, and i need to retreat for a bit – i know that they’re waiting out there for me to come back, and that when i do, they’ll be as welcoming as they always are. and having people like them to help me navigate this difficult world is more than i could have hoped for (& you all know who you are).