i don’t know how everybody makes it through the daily drill
paint their nails, walk the dog, pay every bill
(dar williams, “buzzer”)
sorry about the small blog silence (and thank you to everyone who was concerned!). i’m pretty much ok – just really tired from working my way into the new habits of Being Alone. when you’ve been living with someone for quite a while (10 years, yikes!) i think you naturally settle into a routine, and a kind of division of labour happens – sometimes deliberately arranged, sometimes just something you fall into. one person does some tasks, the other does the rest, and everything gets done that needs to. but when you’re suddenly on your own, you have to do everything yourself – and boy, is it tiring.
& it’s not so much the fact that you now have to do all the daily tasks on your own – it’s knowing that no matter what, you have to keep on doing them. there’s nobody to say “hey, you look tired today – i’ll do the laundry/take the dog out/clean the cat litter/pick up milk on the way home” – and that, more than anything, is what’s utterly exhausting. there’s no back up – just me, on my own, doing everything.
and it’s going ok so far – i’m not living in squalor, or eating nothing but junk food, or living like a shut-in. i’ve been keeping things clean, keeping myself & the menagerie healthily fed, and have even been going to the gym (mainly out of boredom, but still…). and i’ve been making a point of getting together with friends every week for a knit night, and they’re cheering me up no end.
but i’m not sleeping all that well (i’m a bad sleeper anyways, and even more so when i’m on my own) and i’m starting to get pretty tired, what with everything. and i’m definitely as lonely as i thought i would be – but i’m coping. and there are some small things every day that make me happy…
& maybe these small happinesses will be enough to get me through the 46 days that are left (not that i’m counting down, or anything…).