lately, the black dog has me. i’ve been hesitant about blogging about this, mainly because of the feeling that it’s extremely private. but the more i think about it, the more i realise that this feeling of “privacy”is more to do with embarrassment. partly because i know that my blog is mainly read by the (two or three) people i know in real life, and i’m not sure that i’m comfortable with them knowing so much about me. but also partly because of the stigma that’s still inexplicably associated with mental health issues. this stigma lingers, despite (according to uk statistics) one in four people having some kind of mental health difficulty.
so here it is, because why should i be embarrassed? i have asperger’s syndrome (a form of autism, more info here for the curious). & i have good days & bad days. lately, i’m having a whole lot of bad days. i don’t really know why; the past few years have seen a lot of changes for me, and it may be that everything is finally catching up with me all at once. it’s manifesting as a serious bout of depression & anxiety, and i’m starting to feel like i’m slowly getting buried in it.
in a catch-22 sort of situation, the periods in which i need the most help are also the periods in which i feel the strongest need to hide away. however, i’ve finally made an appointment with my psychologist (after cancelling several, and then avoiding the issue for a few months!) & i’ll just have to see how that goes, and take it from there.
in the meantime, i’ve been spinning (a LOT) – it seems to be the one thing i can do that makes me feel better. & i’ve set myself the challenge of spinning something that i’ll actually be able to knit with. this is no mean feat, since my current knitting is almost 100% socks and lace shawls, which means that i have to spin something fine enough & consistent enough for either sock or lace knitting. the roving is from hipknits, a 70/30 merino silk blend, hand-dyed by kerrie in a beautiful purple/fuschia colourway called “stunning” (below, as received in braids along with a braid of colourway “bluebird” , and in little piles of strips ready to be spun).
and so far, as a (reasonably consistent) single:
if i can get it spun evenly enough, i’m thinking of a small shawl – maybe the icarus shawl from the summer interweave knits, or the seraphim shawl by the same designer.
i can’t say enough good things about this fibre. it’s amazingly easy to spin & can be drafted extremely finely with almost no effort, and the silk makes it shimmery (& i’m a sucker for sparkle). & the colour is so gorgeous i’m thinking of getting in touch with kerrie to see if she can do me a custom dye of enough of this fibre/colourway to make a sweater. yikes – now that would be a challenge.